# Attached  ## Metadata - Author: [[Amir Levine and Rachel Heller]] - Full Title: Attached - Category: #books ## Highlights - The comfort of belonging to someone, of not being alone in the world. If I’d only listened carefully, I could have easily heard another message that was incongruent with this promise, a message that made it clear that Greg feared getting too close and was uncomfortable with commitment. Several times he’d mentioned that he’d never had a stable relationship—that for some reason he always grew tired of his girlfriends and felt the need to move on. ([Location 112](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B0050CJNJC&location=112)) - in romantic situations, we are programmed to act in a predetermined manner. ([Location 165](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B0050CJNJC&location=165)) - They spoke two different languages and exacerbated each other’s natural tendencies—hers to seek physical and emotional closeness and his to prefer independence and shy away from intimacy. The accuracy with which the theory described the pair was uncanny. It was as though the researchers had been privy to the couple’s most intimate moments and personal thoughts. Psychological approaches can be somewhat vague, leaving plenty of room for interpretation, but this theory managed to provide precise, evidence-based insight into a seemingly one-of-a-kind relationship. ([Location 185](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B0050CJNJC&location=185)) - we’ve been programmed by evolution to single out a few specific individuals in our lives and make them precious to ([Location 199](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B0050CJNJC&location=199)) - genetic selection favored people who became attached because it provided a survival advantage. ([Location 200](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B0050CJNJC&location=200)) - In fact, the need to be near someone special is so important that the brain has a biological mechanism specifically responsible for creating and regulating our connection with our attachment figures (parents, children, and romantic partners). This mechanism, called the attachment system, consists of emotions and behaviors that ensure that we remain safe and protected by staying close to our loved ones. ([Location 203](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B0050CJNJC&location=203)) - Tags: [[orange]]